It is difficult to esteem a man as highly as he would wish.
-Luc de Clapier de Vauvanargues-

I was lucky enough to meet 2 people I could talk to and share anything about life with. I felt sorry for those whom never got the chance to experience a friendship like I did. But life is never a bed of roses. We all have our likes and dislikes in a person. And it is the ability to accommodate these things that makes the friendship even more unique and in my opinion grow stronger and stronger.

I'll be honest with you, I'm not an easy guy. Too hard headed for most times but always sincere. My fault is that I trust to easily and hence easily get burned. I think everyone is like me and can be trusted and I do ever so readily. Maybe that's why I was lucky to meet 2 people that have changed my life forever. In more ways then one, for better or for worse but sadly not till death do us part.

I suppose they tried as hard as they could to make me into a better person. I can honestly tell you that I want to be a better person, for them but more so for myself. Who doesn't right? But sadly my 'conversion' takes longer then normal and people just don't have the time to wait. I was blessed with 2 great friends. And would like to think and hope there are many more out there who could be as much. But my worry is that they too will grow tired of me and all my excess baggage. I'm not easy I'll tell you that much, but I sincerely appreciate everything that people do.

I am never one to say that because I did so much during the friendship, you must give me back in equal amounts. I am glad beyond recognition for all that you both gave to me. I am devastated beyond reprieve that you feel I never appreciated it. I guess you are right to feel that I never gave back as much as you gave. But can you really put a price on friendship? Can you say that I 'owe' you because of all that you have done?

Friendship is a gift to be given without expecting anything in return. It is to be given freely to whomever you see fit, whenever you want. It should never be given with the hope of expecting equally in return or with the expectation of preferential treatment. If I made you feel bad, down or inadequate, if I never called on your birthday or times when you were depressed, if I never came running when you were in need, it was never intentional. All my friends, close or otherwise, even my enemies, if you are reading this, and if I have offended you in any way, know that it is never meant with any ill feelings. I appreciate all that you have done, and I know there is no way I can ever repay you. Which is why I am glad to call you my friend.

Some come into your life and leave after some time, Some come into your lives and you are never the same again.

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." (Galatians 6:7)

I am 23 years old. I barely realised that I am out of my teens and now suddenly I have to grow up again and become a man. In about 8 months, God willing, I will have achieved my life long ambition to become a doctor. I hope I make it. I don't know how I got so far, but I thank God I have.

You will be surprised to know, how many friends I have made, how many friends I have lost and how many friends I thought were friends. I have made more enemies in my time here. Many more than most people make in their lifetimes.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a person on a mission to make enemies. No one wants that. Ask the man convicted of any wrong doings if he regretted what he has done, chances are that he wished he never had. If there is one thing I have learned in my 23 years of life, it is that no one likes a person who is blunt, brutally honest and plain up straightforward. People, subconsciously or otherwise, prefer a pretentious, "in your face nice guy, behind my back I don't give a damn what you say about me" kinda person.

Sadly, I am not the latter. Never have been and I seriously doubt ever will be. I cannot pretend to be best of friends with someone only to stab them in the back when they are not around. I am brutally honest, plain up straight forward. Hence the reason for my numerous misunderstandings and to a certain extent my enemies. I have no grudges against anyone. When I get whatever is on my chest off, to me it is all over and done with. I hold no remorse.

The worry here though, is that when I come out into the real world, will there be a place for a person like me? Aren't we all living a life of mockery and deceit, of judgements and prejudices? I have 8 months. In that time, I have more worries than ever before. Primarily is that of my finals coming up. And then some, with life and all that. I guess now is time for me to learn how to bite my tongue and hold me words back. Maybe we all can't accept the harsh, brutal realities of life. Maybe I must learn to change to not be so free in voicing my opinions. No two sides of the coin is ever the same. I guess at times you can speak your mind, most times you can't.

Stronger

Now, now, now, that don't kill me, can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now, cause I can't wait no longer. I know I got to be right now, cause I can't get much wronger. Man, I've been waiting all night now, thats how long I been on ya.

As life goes on, I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility. And I realize that everything I do is affecting the people around me. I'd like to take this time to apologize for things I have done, and things that haven't occured yet. And things they don't want to take responsibility for. Even though the blames on you, I'll take that blame from you. And you can put that blame on me.